The Secret to Success in Marriage

The Secret to Success in Marriage

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. ~ Ephesians 4:32

Andy Stanley has said that in marriage, the trick is to learn to look at the other person as “someone for whom Christ died for.” His point is to say that when we begin seeing others in that light, especially our spouse, then we don't have the right to treat them any other way than how Jesus treated us. I think that this is so profound and true. I think also, that that points right here to this passage.

Being kind is sometimes hard, especially with people that are often not so lovable. Being tenderhearted towards others is definitely not the norm. being kind requires a choice, a decisive action on our parts and a trained discipline to stop and think before we react. Being tenderhearted requires more of a personality shift inside of us. It requires us to live with vigilance, constantly being aware of what is happening around us and consistently factoring into our lives the needs of others above that of our own. Forgiveness, that is the kicker. Forgiveness is the point we come to and immediately the brakes come to a screeching halt. We don't show this of course. We talk a good talk sometimes. But when it comes to walking the walk, we trip over our Pinocchio nose. Forgiveness is the act of letting the hurt go and treating the person as if it never happened. Holding a grudge or saying things like, “I can forgive you but I can't forget...” is not forgiveness. Jesus said, if we can't forgive or refuse to, then God will not forgive us. Without God's forgiveness, we can't have salvation. What right do we have to hold anything against another human when God holds nothing against us. (That is, if we are in Christ.) The reality is that, forgiveness, is more for us than it is for the person who has hurt us. But we cant grasp that and so we hold on to the hurt as if it somehow caused them pain. All it does is hurt us further. 

The secret to a successful marriage that lasts, that stands the test of time, that overcomes obstacles and hurt feelings; is kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness. Get those things right and nothing can destroy your marriage.